Last night I told Shaun the truth! It felt good. Every once in a while I've posted on here about Gage and how I've struggled with him, but last night I let it all out. I am posting it on here because this pretty much my journal for my family.
Don't judge me, don't think less of me, or better yet, don't even read it!
I feel like I don't have enough time and love for Gage. It is so easy to love Maisey. She can pretty much do most things on her own, she tells me that she loves me, she gives me kisses, and she is just so dang cute. She is such a mommy's girl and I love her. When Maisey was a baby, it was just me and her. I could hold her all day, play with her, feed her, and love her without anyone getting in the way. Now, with Gage, I have Maisey to take care of and I also babysit 2-3 kids, 4 days a week. So often times, Gage gets left on the back burner because I don't have enough hands, enough time, or enough patients to deal with him. I don't know how Mom's with so many kids do it. Why am I having such a hard time with just my 2?
So Gage, this is for you. Today I am recommitting myself to you as your mother. You are my main priority. No more putting you on the back burner. My goal is to be more patient with you and more kind towards you. To develop a lasting relationship with you that is full of love and understanding. No more projects while you are awake, no more making you sit there and scream. Lots more love, lots more kisses, and lots more time. That is my goal this holiday season and probably in to the new year. I love you buddy! I really do! Please be patient with me! I'm trying, and that's the best I can do right now!